..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
