i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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