i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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