I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize