I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
