if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
