my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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