And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
