Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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