Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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