They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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