My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
