brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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