bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
