Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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