So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
