dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
