Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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