this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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