I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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