just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
