Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
