Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
