Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
