she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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