The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
