I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
