either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
