I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
