dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
