it hurts more in the daytime
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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