you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
