it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ugly people sure do ruin things
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Vodka?
Forever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
