Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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