i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
