a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
