So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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