A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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