I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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