: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize