I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
