It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
