The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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