I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have fence marks all over my body
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
