Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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