Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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