I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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