A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Two words: nipple clamps
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