you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
