The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
