Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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