If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
