from now on my penis is your penis
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
