we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
