Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
