And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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