How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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