I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize