yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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