I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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