dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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