god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
