Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
