K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
