Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
