a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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