Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
