Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
