Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
