I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
